They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
