Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize