I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
