You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
