I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
