He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Of course I have a pirate flag
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize