No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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