So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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