mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
