What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
