My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wear drunk well.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
