yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
