he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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