the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
