Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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