Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
