So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He better not be in your backpack
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
