She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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