i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
