i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize