zippers are such a cool invention
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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