Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
