i barfeds in our rink
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
