Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
