she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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