Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
