There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
