sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
