Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
