It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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