Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
