it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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