My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize