im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
