Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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