i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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