shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
