i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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