Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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