i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
