Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
