How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
