at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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