OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
