Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
