Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
