you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
