well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
