escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
