I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
