I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
