why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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