Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
