Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
