I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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