You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
