Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
