guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
