Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
