it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
