bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
