remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
