Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
