You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
