I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
