Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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