So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
