What did we do last night that was yellow?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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