i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
