OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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