I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
