Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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